vicious
this "relationship" is really screwing me up whether I like to admit it or not. So let's break it down: he is married and with a kid.
I went out on Friday night and took acid while also being extremely drunk and this Russian hippie guy somehow convinced it's a great idea to go to his house on the North Shore which is like ages away from the city. I go and we kiss but I was totally not into it and ended up crying and laughing the whole night and literally nothing happened. I didn't even give a blow job
So the next day I meet with Steve (aka the married man) and he goes "So did you have sex on Friday?" I tell him no and there is unsettling awkwardness that sets in, I can tell he is skeptical so I start saying that I would tell him if I did, that I have nothing else to say so pretty much I start almost apologising and he still doesn't believe proceeding to ask "So how is it that you were drunk and high and managed not to have sex?"
He nearly broke it off with me today which is so unfair by saying that he really doesn't enjoy the fact I can be with other guys but I think what's annoying for me is that he thinks I am lying! Soo unfair. Also apparently the very first time I managed to say I am on the pill when being blacked out drunk and I am not so now I can feel there is an air of distrust between us
So freaking unfair. Not like I can prove it in any way. It's just one of those things. And now I feel like it's really going sideways and I am mad/upset and he is being very contradictory saying that he is jealous and can't handle not being in control and then he added "Don't get a big head around me liking you and don't change anything you're doing"
I feel like the relationship is fragile as it is because of the whole baby/wife complication and now the whole thing about him thinking I am fucking other guys and not telling him is really straining it
Now I feel weird and not sure how to feel and what is even going on
Men are terrible however I feel like if I don't get emotionally hurt it's almost like there is no fun for me. I have to have a dramatic fucked up thing going on otherwise I am bored
But yeah I just feel it is so unfair to be suspicious of me but I guess that's the impression I give? And I now feel terrible because I know that I am very trustworthy and blunt and straight up and would never play any games
I almost wish I did have sex so I can be like yes mf, it happened and that would have been that so if there were any issues then at least it was for a reason
Like it doesn't bother him I have a boyfriend
ok anyway, I am not sure who is reading this, but you're probably thinking that what I am even doing getting with a married guy, I know, it's absolutely idiotic and can't end well
so guess I should be ready for stuff like this, but I am not
Honestly considering to seek an advice of psychologist because I do think there is something wrong with me and I need help
I went out on Friday night and took acid while also being extremely drunk and this Russian hippie guy somehow convinced it's a great idea to go to his house on the North Shore which is like ages away from the city. I go and we kiss but I was totally not into it and ended up crying and laughing the whole night and literally nothing happened. I didn't even give a blow job
So the next day I meet with Steve (aka the married man) and he goes "So did you have sex on Friday?" I tell him no and there is unsettling awkwardness that sets in, I can tell he is skeptical so I start saying that I would tell him if I did, that I have nothing else to say so pretty much I start almost apologising and he still doesn't believe proceeding to ask "So how is it that you were drunk and high and managed not to have sex?"
He nearly broke it off with me today which is so unfair by saying that he really doesn't enjoy the fact I can be with other guys but I think what's annoying for me is that he thinks I am lying! Soo unfair. Also apparently the very first time I managed to say I am on the pill when being blacked out drunk and I am not so now I can feel there is an air of distrust between us
So freaking unfair. Not like I can prove it in any way. It's just one of those things. And now I feel like it's really going sideways and I am mad/upset and he is being very contradictory saying that he is jealous and can't handle not being in control and then he added "Don't get a big head around me liking you and don't change anything you're doing"
I feel like the relationship is fragile as it is because of the whole baby/wife complication and now the whole thing about him thinking I am fucking other guys and not telling him is really straining it
Now I feel weird and not sure how to feel and what is even going on
Men are terrible however I feel like if I don't get emotionally hurt it's almost like there is no fun for me. I have to have a dramatic fucked up thing going on otherwise I am bored
But yeah I just feel it is so unfair to be suspicious of me but I guess that's the impression I give? And I now feel terrible because I know that I am very trustworthy and blunt and straight up and would never play any games
I almost wish I did have sex so I can be like yes mf, it happened and that would have been that so if there were any issues then at least it was for a reason
Like it doesn't bother him I have a boyfriend
ok anyway, I am not sure who is reading this, but you're probably thinking that what I am even doing getting with a married guy, I know, it's absolutely idiotic and can't end well
so guess I should be ready for stuff like this, but I am not
Honestly considering to seek an advice of psychologist because I do think there is something wrong with me and I need help